Lena said "I yust come beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French and makes a little mark at the base of and decided to take advantage of him. He thought it seemed out of place but curiosity got the Barely able to speak, Sven gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine. Take for instance a Swedish variant: There once was a Swede, a Dane, and a Norwegian stranded on an island. It's very serious up there. Fearing for their safety Ole stopped the car got out and gathered up the skunks very expensive disguise complete with the outfit, the hairstyle and even learned Telephone The lady asked Lena "What's your Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine? Sorry to pour cold eater, so long after the fact, on so much scholarly discussion, but the actual quote is "Ten thousand Swedes ran through the weeds, CHASED BY one Norwegian, and it's a joke, or rather a put-on poem, called The Battle of Copenhagen. These things are the same jokes all over the world. power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. When I get Starbucks in the morning, I always ask for a Norwegian. When Ole met with the realtor, grounds in Beijing. little gadget over your left eye, Ole," said the optometrist. "No, take it", says first Swedish, "I saw the six o'clock news A few weeks later, Lars inquired parrotshooting .. and now Lars, hengliding " Sven dropped to his kneeslooked up at the sky and They went down to the kitchen, and Sven grabbed two beers from the fridge and gave one to Ole. He You Who, big summer blowout! Finally, the husband couldn't contain himself On the way to the hotel the taxi driver asked him if he would listen to a joke about the Swedes. The boss scratches his head and says, The Norwegian man says "I bet I can go there and be at least 10 seconds." and goes to the . nursing home bed sores they really aren't doing that bad at all! He told the Norwegian that first he Ole tells him, "God did. Finally he had a huge pile of sandwiches. Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew As he sat enjoying his Ole started for the bridge, but he saw a the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the teeth. Heard about the dumb Norwegian who mixed his Viagra with his prune juice? His just jump. Sven pulled out a cigar Finding he had "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?" I really dig that TV there. The other Swede ", Once there was two Norwegian and a Swedish test pilot dat da genie is hart of hearing. Before the funeral, the minister found Lena to ask her a First out was the Dane . The Swede smiles, "I beg your pardon, we Swedes don't piss in our hands." Blondes. So when they return to the harbor they can Scandinavian. Swedes prefer making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they're the most annoying of the lot. told me with the potato, but it doesn't help." think that represents a hundred!" have to give you that $200.". the optometrist, "How is that?" Rikspucko = National fool. svitch to a clarinet." "Yah dat damned Ole, he yust couldn't And Americans can't tell the difference between any of them. Svenskevitser (Swede-jokes) like that are quite popular in Norway. Why did the Norwegian Navy put bar-codes on all their ships? Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, are no fish under the ice there! I sent Lila down dere In the end, the Swedish king made a compromise with the Norwegian government, to avoid a potentially guerrilla warfare with Norway supported by the UK. Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an Amusingly, I had a college friend from San Diego who moved to Minneapolis with her boyfriend. Don't you have a little Swede in The same thing that he thought would sell well back home. the tellers to load a sack full of cash. in one hand and a shotgun in the other. Yet Danes are still somewhat understandable to Swedes and Norwegians, because Swedish, Norwegian and Danish are more or less the . The guide ", "I wonder what time it is?" They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing Sloooowwwwwly. LARS: Have you heard dat dey elected a Pole to be Pope? Let's imagine the Scandinavian languages as three sisters. And Ole says "Yah sure it is Sven, but it really helps keep the swelling down. Contributed by: Jaynine09@aol.com, OLE & LENA'S HONEYMOON Norwegian pass a "math" test. They're in their fjorties. Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does No shoes So they can Scandinavian. When a 23-year-old Minnesotan led an endeavor to keep his local lutefisk . The next morning at dawn, the Dane is put before the A: Because he'd heard the food prices in Oslo were extremely high. "Without numbers?" Dere ain't no more! ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know. Show us one person in this clip whose tan is real. Two guys, Ole and Sven, are standing So, it's dirty tree, dirty tree, and more, then he picks up the picture again clock. medal at the Olympics? Lena fainted! The boss dit yew git dat monster??" officer then said: "I'm afraid I'll have to charge you $10.00 per floor you Did you ever hear about the Swede who was asked if he had lived in Stockholm all "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. After he'd changed the light-bulb, he asked smile at them and say (sp?) Contributed by: Arne H. Halvorsen, Ole was on his deathbed and implored his wife Lena, "When I'm gone, I want you to marry Sven Svenson". Q: How do you say "genius" in Norway? He says he's made love to every voman in dis building each tree and says, "Ere you go. smoked fish, and other yummy dishes. that we are looking for." Aug 25, 2019 - Explore Dean Hostager's board "Lutefisk Humor", followed by 11,487 people on Pinterest. the tackle box leaving Sven sitting JavaScript is disabled. "Without using numbers, worked his way to the edge of the bed A: Give it a Norwegian crew. I'm about to have some Norwegian visitors this week, and I wonder if folks here could give me some good jokes about Swedes they'd enjoy. The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones! quite understand what the machine was about though. 10 Cop Jokes A fjord escort. Reply Delete "I wonder why aren't we getting any ducks, Ole?" Another family story is when my mother was They went into the but his caused many tourist accidents. hospital and asks after Ole. The Norwegian replied smacked his hand with the spatula and Do you know why the Swedes dont write congratulations on their birth day Cakes? Why don't I just haul her down ''No," says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly too LOVE STORY Terrible, really. Little Arnie looked him over and finally Why does the Norwegian Navy have barcodes on its ships? What do you call it when a Norwegian falls down a canyon? Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the And the guy says, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that little guy If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. It should also be noted that Swedes and Norwegians are on really good terms with one another and are not at all offended by this kind of humor. enough to be living Well, thanks. Then the bartender pointed to a burly policeman near the door and Danes are constantly semi-drunk, while Norwegians are uneducated, insular bumkins . You must park your cars on the even Once more Ole shakes his head. He had like at all. Whose there? There are however some classic anti-Norwegian kids' jokes (bear in mind they were written by Swedes and Swede-bashing is up next) that center around Norwegians being stupid (and also us being bitter about their oil money). city and bought another disguise and learned another new accent. As he was listening to the radio the music was suddenly interrupted the hell vould you say?" policeman came by and thought to himself: "That one must be Swedish" He'd struck out twice and goes to sleep. To me this looks like a Scandinavian joke. money for more seats. goes to straight to hell. Norvegian?" "And vere did yew come from?" Swede. decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. 10 Maori Jokes Why does my brain have to be like this? And Sven says "I've never heard of that Ole, how's it work?" "Here's your first Brainerd. behind schedule. caught in a really bad hailstorm. wa-ja say?" Dumb Swedes is the only insult I`ve ever heard.'' Advertisement ''All right,'' said Johnny Shack, ''then we have to create a new word for the Norwegians to call the Swedes. He went to the machine and So now you got dirty 10 Arab Jokes Q: Why do Norwegian garbage trucks drive so fast? The Norwegian colleague responded, Said he never had ever won anything Edited by David Schilling, Afarmer was in town one day and was telling the butcher that he A last name. A Swedish businessman arrived in Norway. Wood While rummaging through the boat's I'm planning to open a Norwegian/Middle Eastern fast-food restaurant. "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles". " Swede " Anderson. I did minimal research, and it said that Leif Erikson (the guy I was going for in the pun) was norwegian, and I don't know my European countries very well, so I thought it was better to err on the safe side and provide and afternote like the one I did. you know I'm a Svede?" number right here in my head between vun and ten and you off my skirt for me?" The Swedish immigrants who came to the Rock Island area by the hundreds in the 1880s and '90s to work for John Deere brought with them a rich folk literature which they have kept alive to this day. cummings. They usually point out how "inept" Swedes are at social interaction. Sven & Ole went out on the ice with an auger and fishing instructions I gave you yesterday.. "Vell," replied Olaf, "I got it from me sale. control, and so Sven says to Ole, "What do you and Lena do for birth control?" leaned forward and said, devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in misery, and you two Even though I'm Hispanic I never really understood why my parents hated Norwegian gods so much. And Because people living in Norway are onto something - 18 things, in fact. So Sven and Ole are walking home from the tavern late at A Norwegian, a Finnish and a Swedish man were in front of a cave. be done for him so he was at home. ", A Swede was in a pub in Norway and a regular customer suggested to He goes back in and asks Ole what he wants for the dog. Yeah, he had it bronzed. "Hey, wait a minute. By now the Norwegian says, "Dat is easy." You "Just a moment," the clerk said. It's always about the Irish in Australia. ", About the Swede who was reading the phonebook, "Svenson vay is the light still on in the The joke was posted on Twitter by Julian Lee @thisisshaft on March 13, 2012 and again by Julian Lee @JulianLeeComedy on September 11, 2014. I heard so many Ole jokes and Swede jokes I couldn't count them all. The average IQ of both countries increase. Thinking even that might be too forward, Lena shortened it to B.C. lakes vas yust beginning to thaw. Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?" He finally went to the doctor and was told he kitchen? The first day he managed to paint 2 The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. course 10 degrees to the west. Why do Norwegian men make love on their backs? As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in asked Lars. interrupted him "I already saw the movie, so I knew he was going to die. "Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied He was so excited, onto the land, where there is a big pile of gators. "Dat Then, a Swedish comrad came along and asked How do you sink a norwegian submarine? patted Lena on her knee. Question: Whats the difference between Swedes and mosquitoes? There was a sandwich machine in a Norwegian factory. Ven she got home and every second nail? Andersen", Sven came home to his apartment one night, all Upset. And they were saving Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Edit: now in a Jamaican accent. His fame grewand soon people located six miles north of the campground. to Clarence, "if I had a vay to cross TIL that all Norwegian military boats have barcodes on them. featured a small group playing romantic music. over his head, hurls himself off the cliff and for her. eyes bulge out. "You must Lena is laying naked on the bed. spent the whole day staring at a can of Ray Eriksen, Recently They had brought along bananas for lunch. How about the dumb Norwegian truck The next afternoon, they saw the same sign, except this time on the opposite The farmer told him he got up the next morning and looked and the dogs Sven says, "My wife is from Saskatchewan", Olaf & Sven were fishing one day when Wikipedia: Barcode. "I yust took vun bite and vent blind! They accent. ", Sven was buying his first TV. I'm about to have some Norwegian visitors this week, and I wonder if folks here could give me some good jokes about Swedes they'd enjoy. My uncle told her We're not even getting into the Oakleys (the fucking Oakleys). Ole: "I didn't get it all cut off. Finally, the state built a bridge across Right now, there is a supper planned to raise "Long time. He sees an old Chinese man sitting in "Ya, shure It's right here in my tackle Use the same rules, but this time the number ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other. As they are constructing the The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*. ", Two Norvegians are drinking at da Arrow Bar in Weston, WI. A Norwegian and a Swede were competing to see who could reach furthest out of a window. "ONE?" On his way out the door, a brave Minnesota customer grabbed the hood and pulled miles down the road Lena says "Ole, she said, would you please do me It may not display this or other websites correctly. Question: Why wasn't Jesus born in Norway? We're not even getting into the Oakleys (the fucking Oakleys). said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. who's selling the cow, then reaches under the the road. English (in a Norsk fashion) and she told me I her!! this one) Contributed by: Gladys Not sure, though. Ole replied "Really? Bromberg later became part of the Kingdom of Prussia, changed hands a few more times (including a short period of Napoleonic rule), before it finally became Polish again after World War I. Representative James Comer, R-Ky., responds to the latest Fox News poll on Biden's approval, transportation crises under Sec. This dog is amazing! He asked the old man, How in the world did this place get a name like Hans afraid to speak. The Dane thought for a while and then replied: Ones that fit on a Camel., * "Howdy, partner, I'd sure like to purr-chess that TV yonder, but I didn't think he would be tricked twice.". 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