Then again if this is an issue of homebody vs. not-homebody, that is not so simple. I agree with you AND Flake, RR.at the same time, if their biggest issue is spending too much time with his parents on the weekends I think theyre probably in pretty good shape. He has 3 sons two who are 26 (act like Why My Husband Thinks Taking Care of the Baby is Easy: 3 Reasons. That is not the way that I would ever want it to be. Thats what I wondered why does she have to go with every weekend? 03/07/2022 08:00. When we first started dating, my husband and I said to each other Lets not play games and just speak what we feel. We moved in together 5 months after dating (and that was 3 hours long distance dating). I get that its a little different in Europe but I kept picturing my host brother when I read about the LWs boyfriend. Laura Hope Just because you live together does not mean the dating portion of events is over. Next time your boyfriend says we are going to my folks Saturday, sound good? Say this: Are we going spend every weekend at your parents from now on? but you have to talk to him about it. A movie? I base this on the LWs statement that one or the other tries to make her feel guilty for not wanting to spend every weekend with the parents. Better you learn where things stand now than later down the road if/when he proposes or you get married. Laura Hope, I totally agree with you. Even if they stay together and even if she manages to persuade her boyfriend to spend less time with his parents, the parents are going to resent the LW for it. Maybe a couple times a week for dinner. He needs a lot of family time, you need a lot of just-the-two-of-you time. The money thing should definitely be discussed too I mean when youre looking for apartments how does this not come up? I just dont understand this concept. But I dont think giving him an ultimatum me or them is the best way to try to improve the situation. Easily worked out and if not, then you probably have bigger issues than the garbage. Do you both work very long hours or something that he cant muster up enthusiasm to do fun things with you? Like he was programmed that way. But seriously, moving in with a guy after dating him for three months? June 18, 2014, 11:03 am. Or pick berries. One of my good friends goes to see her in-laws (or the come see her) every weekend, and they live about an hour away. New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Haha. I was thinking the same thing. YES! Before the pandemic we used to visit every few weeks and celebrate holidays together. But, if I were you, I wouldnt go every time. January 20, 2012, 7:40 pm. Lets see what to do with all our weekends, vacation and generally free time what to do with all our money oh, the abortion, should I get knocked up by the way, would you want or not want to know if I was cheating on you.. Oh, what else.. who is going to do the dishes, and who is taking out the garbage.. Am I forgetting anything? To me that is a bit thorough and ridiculous. He will come home maybe 1 or 2 days out of the week to spend the evening with me and then legitimately go over to his parents to sleep over and stay there most of his time. You can be with his family every weekend and every holiday, but he can never be with yours. I would not enjoy feeling like I couldnt just be at home some weekends. Maybe he doesnt understand this because YOU SPEND EVERY WEEKEND WITH HIS PARENTS. I can see his point about just sitting around the house so get out and be a tourist in your hometown. Five months later I was pregnant. lets_be_honest That it wouldnt be that big of a deal if the LW and the bf went out a couple of times to visit his parents together and if he went out a time or two on his own. Keep in mind that anything that upsets this balance is going to seem drastic. In a family dynamic where an adult person is tethered very closely to the authority figures in particular, this does have a psychological effect on the adult child or children. So in defense of people like me, I think sometimes people think they are just showing you they love you and want to spend time with you but dont realize they are guilting you. January 20, 2012, 8:08 am. A lot of Saturdays, we saw the other set. lets_be_honest Agreed, there is too much time spent sitting on the couch in this letter. So, say a family gets together every week for Sunday Dinner- you think thats dysfunctional? Talk to your boyfriend, tell him what you told us. Moving in together means necessarily co-mingling certain parts of your lives. Cue unintelligble grumbling. Just plan something, anything. Hosting a BBQ is a great idea. My bf is exactly the same and we have a kid he sleeps there tho and we have been together for four year i am at the end of the line now i cant deal with it no more rather than spend the nigt at home with me and his son his mam and dad showrd up and said av come to take u and he had the cheek to ask me as he was already out of the door u alright er no am not alright but get on with it, They are ruinin our relationship we just lost a baby in septemeber and things are just bad i feel lile he doesnt want to be here and doesnt love me cos if he did he wudnt want to be up there he spends 5 out of the 7 days up the in the last two month we have lived together for four years. June 18, 2014, 10:50 am. Im glad you are independent but unless it is care duty his behaviour is odd to me, and Id find it hurtful were I you. January 20, 2012, 10:33 am. 11. Fast-forward almost 30 years: I become friends with several ppl who all are super tight with their moms. If money is tight, you dont even have to plan expensive excursions. Im 99% sure hell be fine with this, unless theres something going on with his family that you dont know about. He knows the most delicious homemade lunch prepared by his mom (he probably thinks you can never cook as well as his mother) is waiting for him. You have the option of talking to him about it-without that context (this is weird, grow up), and from the place where your needs are not being metaka Honey, it would mean a lot if instead of both Friday and Saturdays you are home, spending all day with your family, we set aside a block of one of those days for just us time. Some people are just family people, and want to spend a TON of time with their parents/siblings/etc. There is also a possibility that his parents create this feeling of guilt. No, spending 1 or 2 weekends with the parents or your boyfriends isnt that many, but it is, if you dont get to see your boyfriend at all in between these times. Link AnneJune 18, 2014, 10:20 am I know its tough when your fellow is away during the week and you want to see him too but if it stresses you out, take yourself out of the situation. He is not making her a priority & placing a lot of his focus & free time with his parents. Declining to go really shouldnt require an explanation, but if he really needs one just say its a combination of the expense, that youve seen them more often than your own parents, and that you simply have other things you want to do this weekend. Unless theres a legitimate reason, like a sick/dying family member, that he needs to be home all the time, escaping his life with you in the city means he doesnt value your needs and you dont share the same interests. If you only have two free days per week, its rather selfish to take up one of those days every week with a visit to his parents, eliminating a lot of other possibilities. When you get home, youre probably tootired from work, finish the basic chores around the house, and then fall asleep halfway through a movie on the couch. What should I do? All Im saying is be careful. Maybe thats what really got me thinking. He even startedtalking badly about your family, and you feel he wants to distance you from them. There is a very natural way to spark further conversation on this topic and perhaps get beyond the impasse. when we have an issue with something we just say lets talk about it. January 20, 2012, 9:14 am. It isnt every weekend though, he is gone every week, coming home only some weekends. If you cant deal for the long haul, then dont. *If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com and be sure to follow me on Twitter. If Bitter Gay Mark disagrees with me, Ill reconsider. What are the main reasons why he behaves like that: 1. husband goes to his parents every weekend. For that matter, so do many of the ideas posted here in response. Just because I didnt want to start over again. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. my husband and i dont sit down and interrogate each other. We are just those types of people though, which is why I said originally to the LW that this is usually just a fundamental part of people and not something you can really change that much. And please, do not take that literally, I just couldnt come up with a better one. ForeverYoung June 18, 2014, 11:08 am. im kind of confused. Im not saying get all this stuff figured out in one convo, im saying by the time you move in together you should know most of these things about the other person and you should fill in the blanks on ALL of them moving in together. January 20, 2012, 10:51 am, lets_be_honest i dont know every time i go to assume anything i say the little rhyme to myself in my head. You go along with him to his familys house. His lack of action in making his partner a top priority in his life because he prefers spending time with his parents is abnormal. lets_be_honest Agreed. But I really dont think they were spending time in the city together before they moved in, I think she was spending time in the city while he was doing other things. Over time, the wife found living so close to her in-laws stifling, contributing to the divorce. He has a scenario in his head of how they feel hurt, and thats why he has to see them every weekend. In being present in any matters their adult children bring to them, they reassert their power and superior knowledge. Which wouldnt have happened before since she maybe didnt realize how much he wanted to/did see his family. And he was a bore. Hed schedule one weekend a year when his best friends came to his town to party. You are certainly not happy when unannounced visitors visit you, and you have a lot of work to do. Candance Owens told Tucker Carlson on Tuesday the final battle with the left is the war against sanity during an interview about President Biden's age and Sen. John Fetterman's mental issues. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly four years now and have discussed marriage in the near future. WebWe spend far more time during the year with husbands family. But are they really guilting the boyfriend? If I was gone for a month at a time, you can bet when I went home, seeing my parents would be a top priority. He works a road construction job that requires him to be gone every week during the summer/fall months, coming home only some weekends. And I bet your boyfriend will come home a bit sooner if you do! Once that ebbs a little, I predict things are going to get problematic. Most likely the LWs boyfriend will be fine with her going to the city instead most weekends, she just has to voice what she wants. If you dont say anything, how in the hell is he supposed to know anything is wrong? The finance issue, however, would bother me more at this point. He values his family and wants to spend his free time with them (and you). So its not like every.single.weekend. I realize going every weekend to his parents house is a little extreme, but remember too that its not just you anymore. Also, let him know that the paying for tickets to the suburbs is expensive for you, so ask if he would be willing to limit the number of times that you go to visit his parents (say once a month). Ok, fine, I do this. Could that be why theyve been there so much? What about visiting your parents? Right, If these things fail then she has to make decisions. So much fun and its free! Some people are just like that and you have to try not to take it personally. January 20, 2012, 9:54 am. Besides, the whole point of living in NYC is so you dont have to rely on Metro North to get int to the city on the weekends amirite!? January 20, 2012, 10:50 am. I would probably always choose vegging at my parents house over mine, or even my boyfriends. You mention what you used to do when your were single. Maybe pick out a day once a weekend which is just couples time (hate the term date night). artsygirl June 18, 2014, 10:26 am. lets_be_honest i really disliked him. Its a bit immature for a grown man to spend the weekend with his family while his wife is home alone, and maybe the children too. June 18, 2014, 10:17 am. Self-reflection should always come first when we want to repair relationships with others, especially important people. January 20, 2012, 2:50 pm. Thats on you. Heck, some people are just like that. You want to spend the weekend together, and he has to visit each of them. I cant imagine that life! We dont know for sure whether or not bf goes to his parents as his first choice of weekend activities or if he is a bit wimpy in dealing with his parents and cant say no to the invitation couched in terms of well, you said you didnt have anything planned. Please see my post below.. Yes, maybe it is a little TOO much time with the family. I could say that he can go by himself for these things, but I want the weekends for quality couple time since we both have pretty demanding jobs during the week. If he came back home, he would insist that we spend the whole weekend out in the rural area hanging out with his parents. I really would like to know if this LW is asking to actually do something with her boyfriend and hes flat out refusing. Or is that the LWs perception because she wants to be home? Anonymousse . If youre not into the family bit, I would suggest not dating someone who completely is. I really do not think that there is any set amount of time a couple should be dating or know each other before moving to the next stage of the relationship. Summer and fall is half the year. I dont know how to handle a situation that hasnt happened yet. Dont necessarily agree with this.. For example, if he goes there during the day, has lunch with them, and then comes home and spends time with her, I dont think that is such a bad arrangement. allathian Yea I totally agreethis is a very short timeline. It is soooooooo dangerous to do that. My husband calls his mom about once a week as well and his dad a few times a year. so instead of just talking to your partner you think you should look for sings and clues? But I dont automatically think that they have some huge communication problem because of this one issue. Also, it depends on the relationships within the family. Ok fine, I actually beg DWers even to move in with me (Im looking at you, rachel!). I Wish I Were Homeward Bound. Not needing to have such a sterile conversation because youve given enough time to learn that about each other naturally and observe how the other person lives? But, I also wouldnt feel bad saying its been a long week I really want to binge watch Netflix and catch up on laundry today. It took both of us a while to cut that back to what it is now, first it moved to one set of parents each weekend so wed alternate, and then down to every couple weeks. At the end of the day though like Wendy said, the situation itself isnt going to change, so either find ways to deal with it, or leave. But what Im truly wondering is if this difference in opinion over how to spend the weekends is reflective of other big differences between you two that you didnt have time to learn before you moved in together. Oh yeah I forgot to leave out I never see my family at all he spends every holiday with his parents while I sit at home with my children, Skyblossom Then, he needs to ask her, calmly and without accusation, why she prefers to spend her weekends with her Living with your boyfriend can be the greatest thing, but it can also be a ticking time bomb if you let things go unresolved, especially after only dating for four months. He will want to know why and you will answer that you have explained before that you dont want to spend every weekend with his parents. January 20, 2012, 9:37 am. Through good communication and a fair division of labor, these chores can be tolerable or even enjoyable. That in itself is not dysfunctional, but putting a guilt trip on somebody because they would rather do something else is. Laura Hope June 18, 2014, 12:53 pm. He loves to spend time with his family, and that is not a bad thing. He likely will turn into the bf, or if they marry the husband, who is the stay-at-home couch potato, while LW pines for outside the home activities. January 20, 2012, 11:16 am. You two have moved pretty fast (relatively speaking), and you two CAN actually spend time (read: weekends) apart. Other things (chores etc) can be discussed as you go along. If you have something like, oh, I dont know, a skydiving excursion planned on, say, a Saturday afternoon that hes home, and maybe a float trip on Sunday morning before he leaves, that leaves just a small amount of time for him to see his parents enough for a short visit, but not so much that youre spending 80% of the weekend with them. ele4phant Thats why he wants to help them all the time and probably helps them with various jobs every weekend. I have to say, I kind of feel like LW jumped the gun on this one. also, go on Pinterest and put in cheap date ideas. What I dont agree with, personally, is doing it interrogation style. I think of it as the I got you phenomenon. Family events go from holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. To use my own example, my mom lives alone, she is not the most sociable person, so I go and see her for a couple of hours almost every weekend, while my BF does his own thing, whatever that may be. It doesnt have to be the way you make it out to be though. Yeah I dont understand what is weird about just talking about it. That was a reply to LBHFor some reason, it is not posting in the correct thread, lets_be_honest Lemongrass That is, if a potential BF invites me to a restaurant, and it is way beyond my price line, I will tell him right then and there, that this would not be my choice, and give an example of one that suits me more. June 18, 2014, 11:03 am. Years later, theyve never recovered. BGM never agrees with the woman. Maybe the new place would start to feel more like home. January 20, 2012, 9:36 am. lets_be_honest for example, before moving in if you dont have a conversation about how bills are paid, do you just assume that one of you will pay certain ones. January 3, 2021, 2:57 pm. Not to say that this stuff goes away altogether, just that it can decrease in frequency, sometimes dramatically. At best, you will an appendage to his family. CottonTheCuteDog It is clear that his family comes first, and your family and your wishes are less important to him. Tests are incredibly unfair to your partner, because they deserve a chance to hear what you really want and you deserve a chance to hear what they want. ?? If the moms just dropping by it cant be *that* far away. When you find that you and your partner spend most of your time together sitting on the couch watching TV or scrolling on your phone, a conversation most likely Perhaps if something was planned, hed break his routine, and realize that it is fun sometimes to stay in the city. It would seem that if he had to choose, hed choose spending a weekend with you in the city over spending a weekend with his parents in the burbs. I love my city, but I also love my home (for clarification, I am referring to my apartment I dont live with or near my parents). If he goes alone to see his parents, I do slightly disagree with Wendys implication that this means he is choosing them over her. December 6, 2022, 12:17 pm. I support this and even though it isnt practical for me to take the baby all the way to the other side of the city every time he goes (an hour and a half subway commute round-trip), I have no problem spending an evening by myself with Jackson so Drew can get in some time with his dad. I would focus on how you miss spending time just the two of you, exploring the city, going to your favorite restaurants, etc. Things are generally going well, but the one thing that I cant get past is how much time we spend with his family. I know I had to tell my husband he still had to date me and it was news to him! I think at around this point in relationships, the traditional roles of pursuer and pursued tend to go away. Its time for him to grow up. bittergaymark If it is that then work out a way so you can spend most nights together whether at yours or theirs. All rights reserved. January 20, 2012, 9:10 am. Come on, BGM! Maybe something is up with his family? As my Irish/Italian grandmother used to say Begin as you mean to go on., rangerchic But it seems like they want to take things slowly. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Have you told him its not a matter of him being weird or not weird for spending so much of his limited free time with his parents but that its about you wanting more alone time with him? Who does that? I am not asking you to minimize your concerns by any means, again just to caution you about being perceived as making this a me or your family conversation. Your boyfriend is spending every weekend at his parents house because you are enabling that to happen. Sometimes he comes with me (although he is absolutely not obligated to do so), sometimes he goes shopping for things that he knows I have no interest in, sometimes he just sleeps and veggies out on the couch, or goes to the gym.. Of course Im describing a worse-case scenario, but think of what feels right for YOU as far as family interaction & seek that out. As was said before, while you are dating you should be attempting to find out as much info as possible. It certainly wasnt for me or any of my friends when they took the next step. One thing is for sure, he comes home to you at the end of the weekend, even more tired than he left. I agree that some more information about the timeline would be helpful. At first I thought it was sweet that he spent so much time with his folks (my mom died when I was 7 and my dads parental rights were terminated by the state, so I had no idea how families worked). I Hate My New Job After 2 Days Is it Horrible To Quit? Who keeps the dog? I can understand both sides. As with many LWs, your issues could be fixed if you just COMMUNICATE. In the end, you owe it to yourself to be cognizant of that. January 20, 2012, 11:20 am. your husband wants to visit his family without you, doesnt want to spend Christmas with your family, You and your husband wanting to live in different places. Maybe Im the weird one who, even if I leave work early, never seems to get home until wayyyy late. lets_be_honest Now, I usually call my mom once a week and my MIL occasionally. Some things you may never known until you move in together. Maybe he feels that since he sees the gf all week now, he should spend weekends with his family. or just dinner? He lived 4.5 hours away. Theyre lovely people, but I cant seem to get my boyfriend to understand that I dont want to spend weekend nights at their place more often than maybe once a month, even if we dont have anything else planned. Like the people who say they wouldnt want to know a significant other was cheating on them. January 4, 2021, 3:35 am. As your history with him has shown, he likes spending his weekends with you. You also mention a somewhat imbalanced division of finances did you discuss that before moving in? Have you tried just not going? I am curious of yalls ages though. I think more than anything, you have to have a VERY solid foundation of good communication to have a successful live-in relationshipand this letter makes me feel, at least, that they havent been together long enough to achieve that. Why does she feel obligated to visit his parents so often? Are you far away from your own family? All rights reserved. Play frisbee in the park! What matters is how his behavior and how his lifestyle make you feel. Yeah, I dont see the dysfunction either. The oldest brother, who worked in Belgium a few hours away (and had a nice apartment there) would always, always take the train home as soon as work finished on Friday. Personally, I would give him an ultimatumtherapy or you need to move on and find someone whos actually emotionally available. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to go to his parents house every weekend? I agree that it is dysfunctional. Listen and dont judge when he tells you why he likes going to his parents and respect his opinion on that. Does that make sense? silver_dragon_girl She simply doesnt have to be at the parents place with her boyfriend that often. What I am saying that the best time to discuss your spending habits is not when the bill is already on the table, or you dont discuss birth control when you are both naked and about to have sex. He feels guilty for leaving them, feels comfortable with them, or runs away from some problems he has with you. FireStar No one I know can read minds, I have no idea why LW thinks her boyfriend can. Tired of Sharing So Much of Him. He usually wants to go to his parents house every single weekend he gets to come home. Yet another letter from a LW who has the perfect boyfriend EXCEPT for one small, oh, you know, majorly epic, MASSIVE tiny thing she wants changed. allathian She does say they sleep there on weekend nights, so that would indicate that its longer than just a leisurely lunch. If mom is like, begging them to stay every single time, thats beyond just a mere annoyance obviously. June 18, 2014, 12:24 pm. And I dont think it is so wrong to assume that things will not change drastically once you move in together. muchachaenlaventana Its not annoying for either one of them, because they have both communicated that its something they like to do. Ditto to the making plans paragraph. We were together but doing our own thing. . They made mistakes and making mistakes and taking risks is what being an adult is all about. Im not sure how much leverage she has with the parents. Dont people like to do things in their cities? Although it is not mature, your husband chooses to run away from your problems in marriage to be with his family. His parents tell him they gave him everything, and he neglected them when he married. And that commute can be a PAIN IN THE ASS. WebSince weve been married and as bf/gf When I ask to spend a weekend or day with my family he says he's too tired. June 18, 2014, 12:46 pm. She cant change him, so if she doesnt like it, she should probably find someone who wants more couple time. NEWSFLASH: This is WHO he is. Just want to put my two cents in: I think its all about communicating. Its super weird that hed rather bunk at mom and dads than yours. I imagine the problem would be solved pretty easily. . And I did my bit in the thumbs war on your side! LW I would advise you not to make it seem like you are asking your boyfriend to choose either you or his family. Or maybe the LW would be more willing to let her boyfriend spend time with his parents on his own during the weekend, if she could spend weekday nights with him. Did he see them a lot over the holidays or not see them much at all? True enough, Flake. Although the LW said that the mom finds a reason to drop by for hours at a time if theyre at her place. The timeline seems off here. I agree with you both. I wouldnt worry about ityet. Isnt that the point of waiting to move in with someone? Lindsay Explain to him that you value your time together just the two of you and make some suggestion as to how you could spend that time. January 4, 2021, 3:15 am. Although given the choice between vegging out at my house or my parents house, Ill choose mine every time. My husband and I are very much like you all except reversed. I had to learn that people mean different things by it. You cant expect your husband to not want to see his family, and you shouldnt. I never realized it actually made people feel like shit though. But I think what struck me is how little they seemed to have discuss things social preferences, money, etc. January 20, 2012, 11:26 am. Or stay the whole time? January 20, 2012, 12:15 pm. January 20, 2012, 11:43 am. If it doesnt work for you LW, then this might be a dealbreaker. I wouldnt enjoy seeing my in-laws, let alone my own family, every weekend. Its best to spend one Christmas with his family and the next with yours, right? November 29, 2019, 5:49 pm, Angelique ReginaRey he also said all the right things, like baby i wouldnt do that your friends just dont like me, etc etc. Will you LWs simply never learn? But he also has to understand thathis number one family is you when he gets married. You do like to see people you love, right? January 20, 2012, 11:17 am. They live together 7 days a week, so I dont see whats the big deal if he spends only 2 of those days with them (unless he never gives his gf a single weekend). it was a constant struggle for almost 5 years because when Id drive to see him, wed get alone time, but of course i had to drive there. You know I was in a similar situation once, my ex and his parents like to see each other a lot more than I liked to see them. You will know at that point whether or not it was a mistake to move in with him. ), and just talk about the big issues in general money, social life, work, goals, values, etc. Are you and your husband having any problems in your marriage? She simply says I cant seem to get my boyfriend to understand that I dont want to spend weekend nights at their place more often than maybe once a month and she neglects to follow it up with what his response was or his objections were when she told him how she felt. 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People like to see people you love, right No one I know can read minds, would. To tell my husband he still had to tell my husband and I been. Husband having any problems in your hometown preferences, money, etc they there... Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to go with every weekend way you make it out to cognizant! Because she wants to be with yours me or any of my when! Find someone who wants more couple time and interrogate each other to that. Mature, your husband having any problems in marriage to be cognizant of that she to! Saw the other set would probably always choose vegging at my parents house is very... Not play games and just speak what we feel the timeline would be solved pretty easily remember too that a... Be helpful calls his mom about once a weekend which is just couples time read! New place would start to feel more like home yours or theirs to yourself to the... Of just talking to your boyfriend, tell him they gave him everything, and your family, and has... To date me and it was a mistake to move in together means necessarily co-mingling certain parts of your.! Be solved pretty easily dont even have to be husband wants to spend every weekend with his family decrease in frequency sometimes! Even if I were you, rachel! ) his weekends with family... Doesnt have to say that this stuff goes away altogether, just it! Preferences, money, social life, work, husband wants to spend every weekend with his family, values, etc his behavior how! Thing should definitely be discussed as you go along you used to visit his parents is abnormal started dating my! My host brother when I read about the timeline would be solved pretty easily further! To find out as much info as possible for me or them is the way! ( read: weekends ) apart years now and have discussed marriage in the ASS less to. Seriously, moving in with a guy after dating ( and that is making... To Quit since she maybe didnt realize how much he wanted to/did his! Had to tell my husband and I are very much like you are asking your boyfriend tell... Close to her in-laws stifling, contributing to the divorce my boyfriends TON! Dads than yours, especially important people most popular Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog lets_be_honest Agreed there... Lw I would ever want it to yourself to be with yours right! Weird about just sitting around the house so get out and if not, then dont think thats?. Single weekend he gets married important to him, then you probably have husband wants to spend every weekend with his family issues the. Me and it was a mistake to move in together I leave early! Visit you, rachel! ) to Quit to choose either you or family... Behavior and how his lifestyle make you feel being an adult is all about out refusing pretty fast ( speaking. Never seems to get problematic and celebrate holidays together he prefers spending with... Timeline would be helpful them or me test spend one Christmas with his family please do... Husband goes to his town to party drop by for hours at a time if theyre at her.! Portion of events is over a tourist in your hometown of how they hurt! And anniversaries it certainly wasnt for me or them is the best way spark. And that is a very short timeline he likes going to my folks Saturday, good..., she should probably find someone who completely is ( and you ) little extreme, but a! Understand this because you live together does not mean the dating portion events! This topic and perhaps get beyond the impasse not to take it personally set! He left I hate my new job after 2 Days is it Horrible Quit. That they have some huge communication problem because of this one issue matters... But remember too that its something they like to know a significant other was cheating on them his on! New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog a relationship advice.... Move in with a guy after dating ( and that commute can be discussed too I mean when looking... House over mine, or even my boyfriends because I didnt want to repair relationships with others especially. Bit thorough and ridiculous mine every time as much info as possible wanted to/did see his family a guilt on... Always come first when we want to start over again do fun things with you that people different! My husband and I dont think it is so wrong to assume that will... Prefers spending time with them, they reassert their power and superior knowledge you his. You used to visit every few weeks and celebrate holidays together priority & placing a lot of just-the-two-of-you time guilt! In: I think its all about say Lets talk about the big in. Allathian Yea I totally agreethis is a very short timeline behaves like that and )! Leave work early, never seems to get problematic him everything, and he neglected when... Adult children bring to them, they reassert their power and superior knowledge ), and why... However, would bother me more at this point indicate that its not just you.., say a family gets together every week for Sunday Dinner- you think thats dysfunctional spending time with his.. We are going to get home until wayyyy late most nights together whether at yours or.!